So. Much. Freedom.
This summer has been so
hot and humid, that I have not been on my bike as much as I would have liked (I
admit, I'm a fair weather biker....). But this Sunday morning it is sunny,
there's a slight, warm breeze, and I do not have a hangover. And so, no
excuses: I must get on my bike!
 |
| Frankin Park Conservatory in full bloom at end of summer |
In 2017, when I had a
good streak of sobriety going, there was nothing I liked more than Sunday
morning rides. The streets were mostly empty of cars (especially those drivers
who refuse to respect that bikes have every right to be on the road as they, but
that is another post for a different blog...) so any route I took felt safe.
When I came across people, it was other bikers or runners (or churchgoers...
and when cruising down emptied city streets, and through city parks, that's a different kind of Church for me). And it felt like I was part of a special club,
those folks who made the healthiest choice of all that weekend: to not drink.
And in so choosing, got to take over the city for a few quiet hours every
Sunday morning, even if we had to maneuver around the debris leftover from
Saturday night's debauchery.
 |
| Today, I am here to shop, not to drink! |
And as I pedaled through
my city this morning, I happened upon a street market, Daylight Market on Gay
Street. It has been awhile since I have been on Gay Street in the daytime...
Trust, I have frequented its night spots plenty. And as I peruse the different
offerings of the vendors who have set up shop, sipping on my iced coffee, there
are of course folks on the patios of these night spots that have opened for brunch, morning drinking, and I
just think, "thank God that is not me."
And this gratitude and
this feeling of freedom--that the day is mine and I can do anything with
it!--never, ever gets old. I can vividly remember having those
"Ahhhhhh" moments throughout that first experience of long(ish)
sobriety, and the frequency with which they came. And I am so excited to
experience them again! In expected and unexpected moments, just as I did on
this Easy Sunday Morning.
Kudos for you! What a beautiful way to describe the freedom of sobriety. When folks who haven’t had trouble with alcohol ask me about what keeps me sober, the freedom of sobriety isn’t something that they understand very well, but it gets nods from people who’ve had experiences like mine. Alcoholism took over my life in so many different ways. My time, my energy, my future plans, and my priorities were based around it, but in subtle ways. Basically, the consequences of my alcoholism cut out other alternatives. As you mentioned, hangovers kept me from getting up early in the mornings, the need to buy a steady stream of alcohol meant saving money for anything else was out, and my draconian schedule for drinking and needing to get drunk meant that there was little time for spontenaiety. Most of this happened so slowly that it wasn’t until I was on the edge of sanity that I realized how limited my life had become.
ReplyDeleteBut when I think about the freedoms that I’ve been graced with in my years of sobriety, it's probably the ability to be surprised by my authentic reactions to things. An honest emotional relationship with myself was impossible within my addiction and once I got sober, I started really feeling emotions and most importantly, knowing what it was to live the promises of those emotions. The joys of love, the satisfaction of a true avocation, the righteous anger in the face of injustice, the ability to feel these feelings was amazing and the ability to act honestly in light of them has been enthralling. It’s not the only reason that I continue to exercise the willingness to be sober, but it’s a big one.
Thanks for blogging! :)
Thanks for reading and sharing! Yes, "rediscovering the joy & freedom of sobriety" is part of the vision statement I recite daily. And as with most dualities, I believe one may not truly and fully appreciate the wonders of sobriety without having experienced the havoc of addiction.
DeleteIn Wellness!