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| Motivational messages from my tracker |
Day 10: Start my work week on time, and feeling less bloated. Though I have developed a bad cold.... another outcome of that last binge? Maybe. Whatever it is, my eyes need relief so I decide to remove my makeup--first time ever being at work without it, in 11 years! But I don't have bags under my eyes, or "face bloat" so I actually feel OK with this decision. After work, head back to Dayton to help my sister with the twins. Still dealing with the cold, but it's more manageable than a hangover!
Day 11: Spend day with sister and twins: happy heart. Go to my therapist in evening and unload the work stress. Does work contribute to my problem drinking? Most definitely, and has for at least two years. Is it a toxic place for me? Possibly. But I won't know the true shape of the situation/problem if I do not gain some sobriety and thus perspective. I let go of some of the guilt & shame carried around from previous week about my behavior. A bit more relief.
Day 13: My Beginners Blogging workshop! Healthy activities that are actually need-meeting, unlike Happy Hours, which make sure my needs aren't met, but actively ignored (how many workouts did I miss "for one more glass" or bad food choices made or hours of sleep foregone... I couldn't possibly count.). Feeling good about my choices and proud of myself. Am I really going to take this plunge and start a blog? Could I expose myself in such a way? I think about how we can often confuse being vulnerable with being at risk, and therefor fear vulnerability... or associate it with weakness. But one of the best lessons I learned in my longer sobriety time was that vulnerability was actually OK, and many good things can come from it... And then I remember how many valuable lessons got obscured when I started drinking again. But I am here now.
Day 15: Wake early and go to yoga recovery class, and it feels good to release some of these "issues in my tissues." It's a beautiful (and hot!) day that I spend with my brother. We hit a craft fair and our favorite German Village spots: Staufs, Golden Hobby, and Book Loft. Got several Christmas gifts, and some "just because" gifts for my nieces, and a small treat for myself. Best part? I don't even have to think twice about spending it. Money spent on coffee, food, and gifts: $124. Exactly what I spent on my last- ever binge. I reflect that such a successful shopping day just a few weeks ago would have been a reason to drink, in an attempt to keep the good times rolling, even though by the end of it I am physically tired and due for some relaxation. I would have pushed myself, ignoring my tiredness. Instead, I go home, open a book, and take a small nap before dinner.
By the end of Week Two: I've made every appointment or meeting I have scheduled-- no cancellations! Showing up feels good. And I am finally sleeping better: back to my normal routine which includes being in bed by 9:30 to read and listen to Reiki. Lights out by 10:00. I have a more peaceful mind and do not need the Tylenol PM. I also have no more night sweats, which I am sure are part of being hungover-- a body out of balance. And though there have been moments of frustration and discontent with work, I am managing. I am definitely not exacerbating the situation with the stress of alcohol entering and leaving my body.
Day 15: Wake early and go to yoga recovery class, and it feels good to release some of these "issues in my tissues." It's a beautiful (and hot!) day that I spend with my brother. We hit a craft fair and our favorite German Village spots: Staufs, Golden Hobby, and Book Loft. Got several Christmas gifts, and some "just because" gifts for my nieces, and a small treat for myself. Best part? I don't even have to think twice about spending it. Money spent on coffee, food, and gifts: $124. Exactly what I spent on my last- ever binge. I reflect that such a successful shopping day just a few weeks ago would have been a reason to drink, in an attempt to keep the good times rolling, even though by the end of it I am physically tired and due for some relaxation. I would have pushed myself, ignoring my tiredness. Instead, I go home, open a book, and take a small nap before dinner.
By the end of Week Two: I've made every appointment or meeting I have scheduled-- no cancellations! Showing up feels good. And I am finally sleeping better: back to my normal routine which includes being in bed by 9:30 to read and listen to Reiki. Lights out by 10:00. I have a more peaceful mind and do not need the Tylenol PM. I also have no more night sweats, which I am sure are part of being hungover-- a body out of balance. And though there have been moments of frustration and discontent with work, I am managing. I am definitely not exacerbating the situation with the stress of alcohol entering and leaving my body.
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